i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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