I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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