i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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