Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
