she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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