Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
