Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
