I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
