my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Boobs speak an international language.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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