I'm so fucking centered right now
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
