He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
