ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
