I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
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Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
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151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.