the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.