His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was