6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
