she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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