Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
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So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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