I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
