You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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