also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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