fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
