come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
