i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
