Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
