Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
