please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
