I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize