you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
