help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
