he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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