You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
