You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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