Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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