you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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