i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize