My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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