I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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