she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
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Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
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That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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