Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize