she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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