Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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