i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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