The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
