I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
