Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
please come you make the beer taste better
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
