apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
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Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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