This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
