you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
