This girl is more easily done than said...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
