just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
