pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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