My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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