At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
