Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
