White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
