they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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