I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
