We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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