you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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