i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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