he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
