Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
