I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
