never play flip cup with pint glasses
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
