this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
