I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
