Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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